This must be my time of the year to struggle a little. we all do sometimes..
I am feeling fat, old, ugly, lazy and Im growing a beard! ... now.. dont be thinking Im fishing for compliments because Im not. I am unhappy with myself right now and I need to make some changes. If I just wasnt so wishy washy... one minute Im on top of it all, and the next minute theres a freaken giant muffin on my plate!
On top of that, I mentioned yesterday that I was worried about something.
We are so effected by the people we love arent we? I am blessed with a wonderful wonderful family. However, one of my babies, my youngest has these ideas that scare the heck out of me. He is a brilliant kid.. smart and fun, loving and caring. He works hard to take care of his little family.. and thats the problem... He is working 2 full time jobs, and not sleeping. when I say not sleeping, I mean seriously.. Im sure that he has not slept since saturday night. we all know what happens with sleep deprivation... I dont know why he thinks hes above that. the problem as he sees it is that the one job 3rd shift, (hes a machinist which is my mind makes it all the worse) switched him to 12 hour shifts for one month. so he is working 6:00 to 6:00 and then turning around and working another machinist job from 8:00 to 4:00. realllllllyyyyyy....... so it is just making me sick with worry. he thinks he can pull this off.. I know that it is going to take its toll on him.. if it doesnt kill him, and I mean that literally. Hes staying in the city and wont drive home til the end of the week...around day 5 of no sleep.. how in the hell is he going to drive an hour home? the thought of it just scares me to death. for his safety as well as other people on the road. There is no talking to him about it. for anyone. He is head strong and stubborn and feels he has to prove that he can do this. he is an adult. so I feel like Im sitting back with my hands tied, watching my son try to kill himself. He is ticked at me for talking about it with his wife, and quite honestly, I think she thinks she can pray him through it. well, prayer will certainly help.. but I think she should have tried to convince him not to do it. He probably would have anyways.. but who knows.. she gets annoyed if I talk about it. she thinks we should hold him up in prayer and encourage him. I think yes, we should hold him up in prayer.. but not encourage him to kill himself. anyways... so thats where my head is right now. that among a couple other little issues.. also annoying me. so it all boils down to at this moment I am feeling like a fat old ugly lazy hairy worried, frustrated person!
so there you have it.
and now.. I have 25 minutes to get out the door to work. thanks for letting me vent.. just wanted to fill you in that my usually sunny disposition is a little cloudy this week.
but you know I will be fine.. I'm surrounded by valentines!