Wednesday, January 30, 2013

along with the sunshine.. theres got to be a little rain sometimes...

muffin morning

This must be my time of the year to struggle a little.  we all do sometimes..
I am feeling fat, old, ugly, lazy and Im growing a beard! ...  now.. dont be thinking Im fishing for compliments because Im not.  I am unhappy with myself right now and I need to make some changes.  If I just wasnt so wishy washy... one minute Im on top of it all, and the next minute theres a freaken giant muffin on my plate!
On top of that, I mentioned yesterday that I was worried about something.
We are so effected by the people we love arent we?  I am blessed with a wonderful wonderful family.  However, one of my babies, my youngest has these ideas that scare the heck out of me.  He is a brilliant kid.. smart and fun, loving and caring.  He works hard to take care of his little family.. and thats the problem...  He is working 2 full time jobs, and not sleeping.  when I say not sleeping, I mean seriously..  Im sure that he has not slept since saturday night.  we all know what happens with sleep deprivation...  I dont know why he thinks hes above that.  the problem as he sees it is that the one job 3rd shift, (hes a machinist which is my mind makes it all the worse) switched him to 12 hour shifts for one month.  so he is working 6:00 to 6:00 and then turning around and working another machinist job from 8:00 to 4:00.   realllllllyyyyyy.......   so it is just making me sick with worry.  he thinks he can pull this off..    I know that it is going to take its toll on him.. if it doesnt kill him, and I mean that literally.  Hes staying in the city and wont drive home til the end of the week...around day 5 of no sleep.. how in the hell is he going to drive an hour home?  the thought of it just scares me to death.  for his safety as well as other people on the road.  There is no talking to him about it.  for anyone.  He is head strong and stubborn and feels he has to prove that he can do this.  he is an adult.  so I feel like Im sitting back with my hands tied, watching my son try to kill himself.  He is ticked at me for talking about it with his wife, and quite honestly,  I think she thinks she can pray him through it.   well, prayer will certainly help.. but I think she should have tried to convince him not to do it.  He probably would have anyways.. but who knows.. she gets annoyed if I talk about it.  she thinks we should hold him up in prayer and encourage him.  I think yes, we should hold him up in prayer.. but not encourage him to kill himself.  anyways... so thats where my head is right now.  that among a couple other little issues..   also annoying me.  so it all boils down to at this moment I am feeling like a fat old ugly lazy hairy worried, frustrated person!
so there you have it.  
and now.. I have 25 minutes to get out the door to work.   thanks for letting me vent..  just wanted to fill you in that my usually sunny disposition is a little cloudy this week.
but you know I will be fine.. I'm surrounded by valentines!  


Kim K. said...

I'm worried for your son too. I understand wanting to take care of his family financially, but his health (and the safety of others) is equally important. Thinking of you ALL!!

Kai said...

Oh, my Vivvy! First the issue of your son: I am also seriously sleep-deprived much of the time but my job (editing) is not DANGEROUS. His IS. I wish we could all grab him & SIT on him till he either LISTENED or fell asleep struggling to get out from under us. I REALLY understand your fears & frustration. And, as a mom, I have to admit when I have expressed my worries to my daughter about some of her ... ummm ... bad choices, she NEVER listened. I'll be hoping he makes it safely through this working tangent he's on. As for YOU, my beautiful, sweet friend - you are NONE of the hateful things you called yourself. Viv, if you could HEAR me talking about you to my housemate - how precious, how beautiful, how talented, how FUN, how REAL you are - you'd KNOW that those of us who love you - and there are a LOT of us - see you that way! I wish I could just hug you to pieces right now! I may be getting the following quote a bit wrong, but I know you will recognize it from, "It's a Wonderful Life!" It's from Clarence: No man is a failure who has friends." Or CLOSE to that! Anyway, goodness KNOWS, you could NEVER be a failure in any way because SO many people love you! I know I surely do!!!

Cindy said...

I sure know where you are at with worrying about your kids and this one in particular. It is so frustrating when they are headstrong and we KNOW that they are not doing the right thing. All we can do is let them know what we think and show we care so much and hopefully it gets through to them. Short of hog-tying, that is:) I'm not much of a prayer person, but I will be thinking of you and your son and maybe some positive energy will come through to you. (Ha! I'm not a "new age" nut either!)

Lynn said...

Hi ,
I know that worrying about our children, even if they are all grown up, it is hard to stand by and stay quiet when you know what the outcome of the situation will probably be, but if we try to tell them why we think what they are doing is a bad decision, then we are the bad parents! I agree that praying is part of the answer but not all of the answer! He is putting himself in so much risk! I can't believe that either job would really want him working when he hasn't slept in days. Just all the things that could go wrong with his mind not being rested and slow reactions to situations because of being so tired!! I hope that you know that you are none of the things you said about yourself in that post!!! I would love to have your talent at crafting, decorating, and sewing! I think you are amazing!
Hang in there!

Jacqueline said...

Hi Viv,

I will send you that email addy you asked for. I would like your addy too pretty please with sugar on top.

I love it when we let our hair down and just be real. I do believe in prayer but it's like the story of the guy that lived in the town and it flooded. The water kept rising and along came a boat and a helicopter and a rope and canoe and he sat on the roof as the water was rising and said, God will save me. Well, when he got to heaven he asked God why he was not saved and God said...I sent the boat and rope etc..but you did not help yourself.

I have two sons and one is in trouble now. I share your heartbreak, your pain, your worry and concern. In one way of course I admire the hard work of your son but it could cause illness that could lead to a path of physical and mental destruction. I'm being real, because you have been real. I have found the best way to deal with these hard hard issues is prayer but also LOVE. Don't panic. Get in his face and give him love and support. Somehow he needs to see that LOVE is more important than money and those reminder lessons that LOVE is really all we have in the end and to love himself so he does not end up in a horrible situation. I'm a big preacher of works every time for me.

I'm not going to tell you that you are not fat lazy etc...I can relate to that. At times I've been so down and out nobody telling me I'm not that ever helped me but again, loving myself even when I feel fat lazy etc...helped me. It's good to have a really good pity party and invite others to attend. Cry and tell it like it is and then get on with it....the lies we tell ourselves serve us, but only let it serve us for a moment.

God bless you my's okay. I have a good feeling something good is going to happen in this storm, not bad.

ImagiMeri said...

Your son is still experiencing his "immortal" stage. Unfortunately, most of us don't learn until something bad happens. That's his journey Viv and all we CAN do is pray and accept their bad choices, and accept them even while they are making them. I, too, understand that men feel enormous amounts of pressure to provide.......they are so young! They do learn sweetie, and I so wish I was there to give you a big hug, so this will have to suffice "BIG VIRTUAL HUGS." I also understand how you are feeling, as I've felt it all my life, but now that I'm 52 and I've shed over 45 pounds by just cutting way back on the sugar, I'm pretty happy with myself. I still have about 25-30 pounds to lose, but it's made a tremendous difference in my mobility already. I will always be in pain, but this has lessened it somewhat, and it's motivated me to lose the rest. You will always be in my prayers pretty lady. Please take care of yourself, especially as an example to your son.

God Bless,

Theresa said...

OH dear friend, here comes a big hug from Georgia! I pray that your Son will get some rest and NOT work both of these jobs. It is hard to watch and not be able to fix it for them. The wife should perhaps encourage him to work only one of those jobs and spend a little time with the family during the other one:)

Have a blessed day my friend, I will be praying that this situation gets resolved for the health and safety of your Son!

Terri said...

Viv no matter how old our sons get they will always be our babies. They can always get another anything.....but they can never get another Mom. It's a great feeling that no one can replace you.I think that's why it hurts you so to see him work so hard and so many hours.
As far as your beauty.....I can honestly say I have no other friend like you. No one else looks so grand with pink hair! You're so creative,sharing and beautiful in many eyes. I would love to be thin again. Spring is coming. You have that beautiful bike. You can do it girl........lots of us believe in you! ((((((hugs)))))))

Susie said...

Viv, Our children's lifes do effect ours....thus the low down ugly feelings take over. I just read your friend Terri's are not giving yourself enough credit, so it seems. Try to remember you have a whole world of blog buddies who care about you. Chin up girl. xoxo,Susie

Kathy @ Creative Home Expressions said...

That is worrying, Vivian. I hope that he will realize he can't continue to do this. As to your other ~ I've been feeling the same way. I pulled out a book I got several years ago and apparently a lot of what I'm going through the past couple of months is menopause {or peri-menopause} related. I'm going to be making an appointment with my doctor to talk about what I can do.

VintageBettys said...

I wish that everything was easier financially for is the greedy people on this planet destroying families! It upsets me that all people today don't have as much family time, basic necessities and the rest as they should have. People should make a decent income on one job no matter what job it is.... every job is important or no one would be doing it. I am praying that things get better for you, your son and his family.... Sometimes I feel we are slaves in the workforce the way we are treated....these cooperate companies making billions and not paying the average people a deserving income. They hardly give you enough to keep a roof over their head, food on their plates and a car on the road so they can make it to work to make them (the cooperate people) more money........... I'm sorry now I'm venting ... Hopefully in time things will turn around for your sons family and you...unfortunately we have no control over what they do.... we can give our advice and that's all. I know it is really hard to think positive sometimes.. believe me...I know it is...and if you know about what I'm went through in 2011 you will understand what I am saying, Take one day at a time ..try to look for the positive and focus on that... You are a great person and sometimes all you can do is give them are doing all that you can possibly do

DollZandThingZ said...

Practice the serenity prayer and let go. Not easy for parents but necessary. Our children have to find their answers the same we did. We must love them but know as adults they must make their own way.xx


We are ALWAYS the Mom!!!
I also "hear" you about the eating and stuff! One day at a time as they say!
I hope you have a Great Day!

pam said...

I would be worried too. The older you get the more dangerous you know things like that can be. Maybe he needs praise that we know he is trying to be a strong provider, but not at the risk of his health or life! In the end though, I know that boys can be stubborn and continue to be even as men! there will be the moment when he will realize you were right, or he will not be able to pull it off anymore. Thinking of you - I can't tell you not to worry b/c I think it is impossible. Keep at them, they should know you have their best interest at heart. Then Google some studies that show what sleep deprivation does and print them out and leave them....nothing like SCARING someone into thinking!

A Vintage Fairy said...

Yes, it is concerning to have adult children, who will not listen to reason. Prayers headed to you and yours!

RetroSandie said...

Here comes a big hug from RI!!! This is a tough time for sure. Moms always try to be moms, no matter how old the babies get. I hope it all works out fine so you don't have to worry and stress.
I've had those days as well, where I feel so crappy. Look at your Valentines and know that you are loved for what is inside you! You are a beautiful woman with a beautiful heart. We love you. (period.)
XOXO Sandie

chris mckinley said...

I can see why you are worried! No one is any good when you don't get enough sleep! Like the ladies before me...once a mom always a mom! His heart is in the right place...but... Sending good thoughts and prayers your way! I know exactly how you feel...couldn't get a hair appointment when I wanted, I had to wait a week...I almost cried! It's so white! I'm going tomorrow thank goodness!

Hugs chris

Grace said...

we are all going to 1st think of ourselves in 2013! Not in the selfish way but a little. Really we have to stop looking for excuses to feed our mouths.. I think this scolding is for me not you ahahaha I love you Grace xoox

NanaDiana said...

We never cease to worry about our kids no matter how old they get, do we? I do understand-I have a couple hard-heads in our family, too. I hope this works itself out- God bless him and you- xo Diana

Debby said...

I don't think my other message went through, if it did just delete it.
I don't think you will have to worry long. He won't be able to go for long without sleep. He will get sick or will have a close call. SOmething will shake him up. Can you talk someone into picking him up so he doesn't drive. No one can go without sleep for long. It is a shame that one job doesn't pay the bills anymore. You are a mom and a good one, of course you are worry. I will keep you in my prayers. If this lasts more than a week......we will all come over and kick his butt.

kandeland said...

You're right, it's hard to talk sense into people, especially your children, but maybe a good old fashioned slap up side the head might work...Sleep deprivation is a serious matter (as you know I take my sleep very seriously!). I hope he decides to make the right decision. But I think before he thinks about it, it will just catch up with him and he will realize he can't be superman. It really doesn't pay off in the end on so many levels. Good luck Viv! xo

Sandy said...

Oh Viv....I can SO relate to this post...I have our youngest living with us now...and he can't find ANY work!!!!
It seem that we never ever get to let go of the worry when it comes to our son came in the other day and put his arms around me and said " sorry that it always falls on the Mom"....that about says it all!

As far as feeling ugly and old...I found a way to stop that...quit looking in the mirror, you are only seeing the outside...the inside is 18 and beautiful and full of energy and smooth
Hang in there....Hugs....Sandy

Anonymous said...

Oh, Viv! I'd be worried about your son, too. It's so hard for us to be on the sidelines and watch our kids harm themselves--although, I'm so impressed to see a young person working too hard rather than playing too hard!

Oh, the hair that grows in inappropriate places as people age. Ugh! It's this stage of life that I appreciate being a blonde, even if it has meant I've never had noticeable eyebrows or eyelashes all my life.

(And you are a very pretty woman, even though I know you weren't fishing for a compliment.)

Susan said...

Oh dear, I hope this doesn't make him sick. I'll be praying for you and your family and hope that your invincible son does not get a rude awakening. Hang in there, and don't worry about venting, that's part of what our blogs are for. Hugs.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry that you have this worry, I would too!! I have small children now, but what I've learned from other moms is that you never stop worrying about your kids. It's a long road, this parenting gig!!
I'll keep your son in my prayers.

Holiday Sparkle - Cyndi LaChance said...

Oh Viv! My heart goes out to you peaches. My mom always said that no matter how old your kids got, they are always your babies and you always worry. I would be worrying about him two. When I was much much younger, I thought that as long as I got a couple of hours sleep, that I was good! But I wasn't working two jobs and a job which requires you to be on your toes. I was just working during the day and hanging out with my musician boyfriend at night - LOL
It does catch up to you, and you finally learn tat....I will pray that he learns this before anything bad happens. The most important thing for anyone is to take care of themselves so that they an then take care of the family. I admire his drive and hope you finds a way to provide for his family without stretching himself sooo thin. Lack of rest and sleep will only lead to health problems later - and the funny thing is you never even realize that is the reason why you are getting sick. I will be thinking of you!
As far as all the other stuff - girl, I love that you always keep it real! We all feel that way sometimes. I'm feeling that way myself after a little bit too much cheating during Thanksgiving and Christmas - can;t seem to get back on track either.
And if you are like me, you eat when you are stressed. You have reason to be stressed....but, remember, you are a talented, funny, & gorgeous (no matter what size). Big Hugs from Cyndi and Julia!